Dokidoki Robo Kokoro
by LyraofTruth
Summary: Dirk, Nepeta and Equius are warped to Equestria. Things get real serious.
1. Super Special Start to a Big Adventure!

== Be Dirk.

Yeah, okay. You guess that's a pretty good idea. Are you sure you're ready for the commitment, though? I mean, this guy is pretty busy. Busy doing what? You'd have to be him to find out.

== Seriously, be Dirk.

Fine.

You are DIRK STRIDER, and you are currently engaged in one of your FAVORITE HOBBIES. In other words, you are BUILDING A ROBOT shaped like a character from _MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC_. This is pretty much the sweetest thing ever. This model is to be the FIRST OF SIX, and of course you are going by introduction order. TWILIGHT SPARKLE is nearly complete.

Or would be nearly complete, if you could just figure out this one last mechanism.

== Dirk: Make Twilight Sparkle's horn.

What do you think you're trying to do? Of course you saved the horn for last, as it's the most difficult part. The hard part is not the shaping. In fact, the vaguely phallic figure is identical to that on the show. The hard part is simulating the magic because quite frankly magic is not real and therefore very difficult to emulate.

You wish that you had started in the order of AWESOMENESS, in which case you could have started with RAINBOW DASH, whose wings may have been easier to create.

== Dirk: Pester Equius.

You do not know anyone named Equius and seriously doubt that you ever will. That name is unbelievably stupid anyway. Just look at that ridiculous horse pun! If you were named Equius, you would have to hate all things pony out of ironic spite. Who would name their kid Equius? That name would only make sense in an alternate universe where ridiculous names were the norm.

== Dirk: Be Equius.

You are now in an alternate universe where ridiculous names are the norm. You are EQUIUS ZAHHAK, and are currently doing what you normally do in your spare time, BUILDING A ROBOT. Or you were, until your moirail showed up. Now you are trying to HIDE YOUR ROBOT BEHIND A PILE OF PARTS.

"Hey, Equius!"

There's no use. She is either going to discover the pony, or you will have to head her off.

== Equius: Block Nepeta.

You would try to get in her way, but you are afraid you might hurt your moirail because you are ridiculously STRONG. You may have to try to distract her by showing her th-

"Ooh! What's this? Is it Twilit Dazzle? Equius, I didn't know you were a fan of My Little Hoofbeast!"

You can't think of anything to say, but you're pretty sure your anxiety is showing. Nepeta looks concerned.

"Is it broken?"

Perhaps the best course of action is to act like everything is fine. As though liking this wiggler television series is at all appropriate for one of your caste. As though your fondness for _Six hoofbeasts(and assorted other cast members)learn the power of friendship through various trials; includes several action sequences per episode; at least three scenes that could be considered humorous per season;_ etc. is anything but scandalous.

"No, only unfinished. I am having trouble simulating her psionics."

"Oh!" her eyes light up. "Can't you just alchemize something? I have the furst season on my husktop."

"I doubt there is any way to successfully alchemize something as complex as a horn in that size and shape with actual psionic abilities."

Nepeta's face falls. "Oh. Well, Twilit looks purretty nice!"

The comment cheers you up a little bit. Maybe you should just take a break and hang out with your moirail. After all, you've finally met, haven't you? There's no use squandering your time in your room by yourself, and it's been a while since you had a decent feelings jam.

== Equius: Be Twilight Sparkle.

Haha, nice try. You thought that just because this fiction references My Little Pony, you can just go around _being_ MLP characters all willy-nilly? Well, unfortunately you-

== LET ME BE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.

Woah, there's no need to get violent! I'm just saying that-

== I WANNA BE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.

Jeez, okay, fine!

You are now TWILIGHT SPARKLE, and this introduction is completely unsuited to your universe. Seriously, you were minding your own business, testing some ill-understood and potentially dangerous spells, and suddenly some jerkwad is in here trying to "be" you and all-capsing all your INTERESTS? Just wow. Speaking of which, your INTERESTS include READING BOOKS, WRITING FICTION, LEARNING & CASTING MAGICAL SPELLS, and BEING WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

In short, you are kind of a nerd. Just look at that ampersand, all fancy and intelligent-looking. What more proof do you need? Anyway, you are currently trying to cast a tricky spell that would summon yourself from an alternate universe. Why? For SCIENCE! You mean magic. Magic science. Scientific magic. The science OF magic? Dear Celestia Equestria is weird.

== Twilight: Cast the difficult spell.

You are about to cast the ALTERNATE UNIVERSE SUMMON spell, but before you can...

You are suddenly Dirk again.

== Wait, don't be Dirk!

Too late. Unfortunately, Twilight Sparkle is busy being three Twilight Sparkles, so for now you're stuck being this guy. Not that one is ever "stuck" being Dirk. It is always a privilege to be someone this cool.

== Dirk: Just put the non-magic horn on the robot already.

You figure you might as well put the horn on the pony, if only for aesthetic reasons. You stick the horn on with tape so that it can come off fairly easily for later tweaking. The horn starts to glow purple, but then you are suddenly someone else.

== Equius: Roleplay with Nepeta.

You really hate roleplaying, but you might as well spend some time with your moirail so you can have a serious feelings jam later.

"AC smells a hoofbeast in distress and goes to investigate," Nepeta says.

You sit on the Twilit robot and wait until Nepeta is done with her monologue, whinnying and snorting when necessary.

"She realizes the unicorn is missing its horn. 'How can I help you, you poor animal?'"

"'I apparently am missing my horn. You may want to reattach it,'" you say.

"Wow Equius, you're getting good at role-playing! Soon you'll be even better! Ooops, I mean, AC replaces the horn with one of her claws."

"Wait, Nepeta, you don't want to attach the horn yet, it's not finis-"

Suddenly, the horn glows a bright purple. Nepeta grabs your arm and you two both appearify somewhere else.


	2. Enter: Rarity

**oh my god this is so ooc its hilarious. i started writing again thanks to dirquissprite.**

_**==Equius: Look at surroundings.**_

You look around for Nepeta. Fortunately, she is clinging to your arm. Unfortunately, you are still sitting on your robot hoofbeast and have no idea where you are, plus the sun is shining over your head.

_**== Equius: Find shelter from the sun.**_

You run over to the nearest tree and hide under it, with Nepeta still hanging onto your arm for dear life. You then look around for a building you can stay in until it is dark. Hopefully the inhabitants of this place are nice enough to share their shelter, or let you live at all. You hope that you are STRONG enough to protect Nepeta if the creatures aren't friendly.

You can see a tall house in the distance. Should you risk the distance in sunlight?

_**== Equius: Risk it.**_

Nepeta is pointing over to the house, so you put her on your back and hurry over to it before knocking on the door. Oops. You should probably fix that later, but for now you need to get inside to protect Nepeta. You walk in and call out.

"Excuse me, is anyone here?" you ask.

"Who's there? It's noon!," says an oddly familiar voice.

"That voice sounds a pawful lot like..." Nepeta says before trailing off.

A white hoofbeast walks into the room. It has long purple hair with a few graceful curls. You can barely avoid dropping your jaw, but Nepeta is smiling.

"Look, it looks just like Rarity! How neat!"

The hoofbeast looks at Nepeta like she's joking. You have a feeling that she doesn't only look like Rarity.

"Look like Rarity? What in Equestria do you mean? I don't LOOK like Rarity, I AM Rarity! And who are you?"

**_== Equius: Be Dirk._**

You are now Dirk, because he is awesome and the author of this story ran out of ideas for Equius. Wait, what author? You are currently being warped by your Twilightbot to another place that you are unsure of. Not like you need to be sure, but it would be cool if you stopped being in this weird between-universe space.

**_== Dirk: Stop being in weird between-universe space._**

You finally appearify somewhere. The first thing you can notice is your skin is burning. Like, burning as you watch. You can just barely run inside of the nearest house before you would have burned to death.

You can soon see that the house is not a regular house, it appears to be a store of some sort. Not to mention there are some grey weirdos and...

Rarity?

Okay, that isn't Rarity, it looks different. Or, she, you guess. The difference is her eyes have a bit less of a the whites are a dull yellow. But not-Rarity isn't the only thing you're staring at, you're also staring at the two other weirdos. They, at least, aren't bad recolors of ponies. Instead, they look like de-saturated human remakes. They have the same dull eyes as not-Rarity, and their skin is gray. Not to mention, they both have bright orange horns sticking out of their heads.

You do what any civilized person would do. You introduce yourself.

"Sup."

The little grey cat-girl turns around at a blinding speed. That, or you may have gone a little blind from the sun. Actually, it's probably both of those things. At least you were wearing shades, or your eyes would have probably melted.

"Oooh, look! Someone else is here! Who are you?" she squeals at a high pitch.

Only then do the other gray person and not-Rarity turn to face you. Before that, they were pretty much just staring awkwardly at each other in silence.

"Excuse me, but who do you happen to be? I keep getting creatures in my boutique!" Not-Rarity says, stepping towards you in what you hope isn't a violent manner.

"I'm Dork, uh, I mean Dirk," you reply, feeling a bit dazed thanks to that outdoors adventure.

The gray guy walks into your comfort zone, joining not-Rarity. You can see his face close up, and holy shit was the door broken back there? You can smell something off about him, and you feel sick and slightly uncomfortable. Your exposed skin is searingly painful. But, wow, that guy smells like gym socks and yet, he's still so sexy. Yeah, you are definitely tripping balls.

"Oh my goodness, how long did you stay in the sun? Hurry, little gray animal? Go get ice from the freezer! Oh, and a vat full of water!" Not-Rarity talks too loud, and you can feel your limbs going weaker. You're going to faint like an anime girl aren't-

And you're gone.

_**== Nepeta: Get ice from the freezer. And a vat full of water.**_

You are now Nepeta. You hurry to the kitchen Rarity is pointing to. The fridge, like everything else in this house, is quite stylish, a classy shade of pink. Rather than take a minute to explore, you open the freezer door and grab the six ice trays. Seriously, there are SIX.

You then fill a vat with water and run to the pink boy. Once everything is set down, you rush back and grab a few towels from the kitchen. You can see that Equius is watching Rarity put ice on "Dirk"'s neck, face, and arms. You quickly put the towels in the vat, soaking them before patting the fainted creature down.

"Excuse me, are you going to help? I'm sorry, but you're getting in the way," Rarity asks Equius.

"Oh, I apologize. I don't want to damage him," Equius says, stepping back, but still being quite intense in his staring.

_**== We can be a pony now, right?**_

You are now RARITY. Your interests include SEWING, DRESS DESIGNING, and HANGING OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. You have some other interests, but you've done enough internal monologuing for now. At the moment you are busy pouring ice-water on a creature having a heat-stroke with a different kind of creature helping you while a third creature stares at you in a way which you hope isn't perverted.

Just another day at the boutique.

After Dirk has been stripped of clothes and covered completely in water and ice, all you can do is wait. You figure that you may as well get to know the two conscious animals, even if one of them looks creepy as hell and the other smells like blood. After all, you are most certainly not one to judge ponies by first glance, so why would you judge these... things?

"I've, well, never seen something like you. And you can talk? Might I ask what species you are?" All you can do is hope they aren't offended.

"We're trolls! I'm Nepeta. This is Equius. It's a purrleasure to meet you."

Though this doesn't explain why they waltzed into your shop in the middle of the day, you guess that's enough explaining for today.

"I'm going to guess you two are tired from your 'trip' outside. I only have one spare bed, and I think we should save that for him," you point to Dirk, "but I can probably find you two someplace..."

"Is it... True that you are Miss Rarity? The highblood unicorn?" Equius asks, his broken teeth showing as he talks. This isn't worse though, considering how 'tough' it makes him look. It's a little hard not to admire him, until you realize what he just said.

"What in Equestria is a 'highblood'? Last time I checked, we all had the same blood color!" you state.

Equius looks a bit ashamed, completely changing his original 'bad boy' look into a 'kicked puppy' look. Before you can examine the change, Nepeta starts talking.

"I think Equius and I can share a pile, if that's okay with you," Nepeta quickly leaps onto the first pile she finds, but...

"That's the pile for Twilight's Nightmare Night costume! I'll show you where to go, just PLEASE get your claws away from there!" Oh dear, it's going to be a long day. You can't help but be reminded of Sweetie Belle a bit as Nepeta apologetically gets off of the pile, drawing her claws back.

"Follow me," you add, walking toward the pillow pile Opal sometimes inhabits during the night. Fortunately, she tends to sleep with Sweetie Belle during the day.

"You two can share, right?" You ask, letting out a yawn, "I think I'll be getting to bed.

**_== Dirk: Wake up._**

You are now Dirk.

**AN: im working on this trainwreck of a fic again. 9tailnaruto and my irl friend jess, thank you and you're welcome. ill update more, now that i actually am sort of responsible-ish?**


End file.
